


A wistful way of parting

by beebuzz



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, Pining, Post-Time Skip, Requited Unrequited Love, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 10:01:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24847966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beebuzz/pseuds/beebuzz
Summary: There was an intriguing ache of melancholy that came with falling for someone unattainable.Without intending it to, the longing wove itself into every turn of mind until it was mere normalcy- until it wasn’t even detectable within the banality of things such as breathing or hunger.But perhaps the familiarity was what made it so lethal. Perhaps Tooru’s inevitable undoing had lain beneath the very things he thought would keep him safe.And so, how could he stop from rotting when it all had begun to bloom from within his own hollow chest?
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 4
Kudos: 40





	A wistful way of parting

There was an intriguing ache of melancholy that came with falling for someone unattainable.

Without intending it to, the longing wove itself into every turn of mind until it was mere normalcy- until it wasn’t even detectable within the banality of things such as breathing or hunger.

But perhaps the familiarity was what made it so lethal. Perhaps Tooru’s inevitable undoing had lain beneath the very things he thought would keep him safe. 

And so, how could he stop from rotting when it all began to bloom within his own, hollow chest?

Summer evenings always hung thick with waning heat that left his skin prickled once the wind grew chilly. 

Nestled on the hillside, lambent grass tickling at their ankles, Tooru pondered aloud, “Will the sky still be this pretty when I move away from here?” 

When the words had slipped from his mouth as careless as a sigh, they left Hajime to scoff in their wake. 

“Like it makes any difference where you are,” He muttered in response; but his eyes wouldn’t drift from the whirling pink and orange above. 

Tooru spared him a glance but did his best not to linger too long on the sharpness of his profile. Something distant whispered that it wasn’t the amber dusk that made him feel so warm and secure that night.

That maybe it wasn’t because he was still home that the sunset burned through his insides when he looked at it. 

The thoughts blew in when the quiet stretched a moment too long, and the clouds skimmed low, and their hands crept through blades of green and dreams and memories until the touch of knuckles could be mistaken for the scratch of grass. 

With the breeze, a stuttered breath, and an armful of words left unspoken, the weight of it all dripped down around them. Clarity pooled and oozed like honey between the secret within their silence and the brush of their interlocked fingers. Years of reluctance and denial about any feeling that edged on something  _ more  _ than just friendship had been slowly chipped away until shattering at the very last moment. They had to have recognized it. But neither said a word.

At the end of all he’d ever known, it became painfully clear that such a torrent of emotion- that _home_ and the _sunset_ and the stupid, transient existence of his adolescence had never been the source of any of it. 

Only once it was too late did Tooru realize  _ home _ had never been a place at all. 

\---

“Where’s Hajime-kun?” Tooru’s mother asked in her special, prying mixture of curious and intrusive. Trying her best to smile despite the tears welling at the corners of her eyes, she clutched her purse hard enough that the wrinkles would set deep into the faded leather for hours after. 

Attention pulled away from the terminal window, Tooru barely wanted to acknowledge his plane pulling up to the gate. They’d be calling for boarding soon enough, but he managed to focus on the curve to his mother’s rosy face just a bit longer.

He shrugged as he wrung the straps of his backpack, and with them, some of the nervousness under his skin. “I guess at home.” 

She was nodding, but it seemed her hands clenched with the itch to reach out and grab him. Never let him go. “I figured he’d want to see you off as well-”

Tossing his chin to the side, he cut her off with a clipped excuse. “We said goodbye last night.” 

They had and they hadn’t.

Not really.

Maybe they did- in their own, ever-avoidant way- but the actual words never fell from their bittersweet smiles poorly disguised as contentment. Acceptance. Preparedness. Fearlessness.

They were fine.

They’d be fine.

\---

“So, you’re really gone just like that?” Hajime announced as he stood from the grass. Flinging his hand around, he pulled in a deep inhale. “ _ Ah _ , suddenly the air seems fresher. An eighteen year-long stench has been lifted from my life and-” 

“I wouldn’t say it’s  _ just like that _ .” Tooru chose to ignore the latter comment for once, hauling himself up to begin the trek toward the road. “You knew there were scouts at the playoffs. And considering how much of an  _ amazing _ athlete I’ve become-” 

Hajime caught up to him quickly only to kick at his ankle until he stumbled forward. “Guess I figured you’d be so annoying they wouldn’t pay attention to you.” 

“Well, it looks like I was just annoying enough to enrapture one of them.”

“They must be blind.” 

Making it to the sidewalk, they fell into their leisurely place amidst the heavy dusk and the drone of cicadas. If their arms brushed as they walked, neither of them mentioned it. If their fingers tapped just shy of hooking together, neither of them followed through. 

“Maybe they saw how much I was bullied by you on the court and took pity on me.”

“Oh, they definitely took pity on you. There’s a reason you’re having to go half-way around the fucking planet to join a team.”

“Yeah,” Tipping his head forward, Tooru let out a disheartened laugh. “It’s pretty far- isn’t it?”

A quiet pause fell next, leaving only the scuff of sneakers until Hajime cleared his throat.

“Hey, look, I-” Turning his gaze a bit, Tooru watched as frustration rippled its way along the shadows of Hajime’s features until falling short just behind his teeth. “I think I should-”

A car horn blared in the distance, making them both jump before the silence overcame them once more and the space between their hands grew impassable.

\---

“Last night?” His mother recalled with a brief squint. “Oh, I see. Well, that’s nice.” She gave another hug of the bag to her chest- at least she wasn’t squeezing the life out of him just yet.

“Today’s for you anyway.” Tooru urged his own smile forward, scrunching his eyes up to make it seem that much more convincing. “Your baby boy- your pride and joy! He’s moving away and you don’t know what to do with yourself, right?”

She saw right through him like every time before. With her bottom lip wobbling, she finally allowed the blink of her lashes to push tears to her cheeks. “You’ll take care of yourself, right? I’ll know if you don’t.”

His shoulders slumped forward as he melted into a sigh. “Of course.” 

“And you’ll call me everyday.”

His back curved, each word weighing down more,  _ more  _ responsibility,  _ more _ pressure, another reminder of the solitary scraps of his life already waiting for him in boxes at his new apartment.

“ _ Everyday-”  _ With the twinge of his frown, she reached high to slide her hand along his cheek,  _ “ _ Mom, that’s excessive-” She brushed beneath his eye with her thumb, “and the timezones-” laid a harsh pat to his face before soothing the sting away.

“Nonsense. I raised you. I’ll even learn to do that video thing your sister is always nagging me about. I deserve-”

“Once a week. I promise.”

Despite her unconvinced hum, she was placated just long enough to need to busy herself with dredging up another festering bruise from the shadows. “Your father wished he could be here.”

“Mm,” 

He couldn’t give much more than that. He’d known a lot of things his father had wished to do, had thought about doing, but anything concerning the _“silly games Tooru cares too much_ _about”_ had never quite made the list of what he actually did.

“You know how busy he gets-” And  _ she _ knew full well the tension that stayed taut between him and his father. She was always doing her best to quell what she could. Never quite doing enough to make the peace last. “He’s proud of you. We both are. I’m just a worrier, after all. So make sure to eat healthy. Not too many sweets. Get some vegetables in your stomach. And don’t overwork yourself. I won’t be able to count on Hajime to keep an eye on you for me anymore, so you have to-”

“I’ll be  _ fine! _ ” She could have noticed the bite to his interjection with the way her shoulders jumped, but even if she did, she wouldn’t press him on the reason. “Please, I’m an adult now-”

Her soft touch on his face took an abrupt turn at that. Grabbing him by the chin and jerking his head lower, his mother squeezed at his cheeks with a firmness that made his eyes flick wide.

“You may be an adult, but Argentina is a long way from home and don’t think I’m not allowed to mother you no matter where you are.”

Once he managed to pry her hand off, he pulled her in with an arm around her shoulders. She buried her face against his chest to hide the onslaught of tears, hands coming up to clutch at the space beneath his backpack and hug him close. Head down, nose in the curls of her hair that coiled more tightly than his own but still held the same rich brown, he sighed through her blubbering.

“It’ll be okay,” Soft petting at her back, she squeezed tighter. “I’ll come visit as soon as I can.”

“You won’t.” She lamented as she pulled just far enough away. “You’ve always wanted your space- and this is the best way for you to get it. I don’t want you to worry yourself with coming back when-”

“I want to. I’ll miss you.”

“I know, but this is important to you. Don’t let anything or anyone hold you back-”

\---

“Will you miss me?” Tooru had asked as flippantly as he could while standing at the base of the stairs leading to a house that could only be called his for another handful of hours. Draped in the yellow of the porch light, he wondered how long and deep the glow of this evening would run once the autumn chill creeped in.

“Shut up, idiot.” Hajime threw back out with an easy shove to Tooru’s shoulder before he twisted his fingers in the faded blue of Tooru’s t-shirt and jerked him forward a step.

_ Shut up, idiot,  _ he said.

_ Don’t ask me stupid questions,  _ he meant.

_ I’ll miss you before you even leave,  _ he meant.

_ Will you miss me too,  _ he’d never ask.

No, they didn’t speak the words of a farewell; but the way their arms clung in an embrace that lasted too long to be acceptable- and their noses pressed into shoulders to draw in the scents they pretended they hadn’t memorized years ago- and their fingers curled into fabric, trying to soak up enough warmth to last a lifetime,

Things felt nearly as finite as the hushed, somber  _ goodbye  _ that echoed in his head as Hajime wandered down the sidewalk toward his house.

\---

With the loud ping overhead and announcement of his boarding, his mother pushed space between them, likely before she could convince herself not to. Her hands returned to her purse, strangling it as she choked through a smile.

“I love you and I’ll miss you- more than you’ll ever know. But it’s time for you to go find your future, honey.”

“Dramatic last words.”

“You’ll remember them that way. You love to chase a bit of drama.”

He took slow steps back, a small wave coming up before he turned and moved toward the line already forming at the gate. The wait seemed to drag on, but he willed himself not to look back. Dewy-eyed or merely dejected, he couldn’t stand to see anything other than the soft grin his mother had left him with. He kept his limbs moving and his thoughts one-tracked until the first moment he could crumple forward all to himself.

Ticket scanned, half-way down the jet bridge with no one following too close behind, Tooru came to an abrupt stop with the skid of his heel. His eyes were unfocused, seeing nothing but hazy uncertainty, and he paused.

Could he really do this?

Was he good enough for this?

To be on his own- to play without  _ his _ team- to make a name for himself so far from everything he knew-

One breath in, pushing at his lungs until his ribs ached and his chest trembled, Hajime’s words came flitting back to him,

_ “You’re a troublesome guy-” _

One breath out, settling his nerves until there was nothing but the muffled hum of the airplane and the faint furrow of his best friend’s determined brow nestled deep in his mind,

_ “-but you will move forward without hesitation.” _

And so, he moved. 

**Author's Note:**

> I plan to make this into a longer fic at some point- but I have no idea how long that will take, so this will be here for now
> 
> Come find me on twitter [ @scuttlebuttles](https://twitter.com/scuttlebuttles?s=17)  
> 


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